Misunderstood
by clarify
Summary: When you keep silent for so long, you regret not telling the truth... WARNING: has not been updated and may not be updated in a long time.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I DON'T own PoT. Although, like all my fellow obsessors (probably not even a word)... I WISH I did. =( hahaha.. =)

A/N : I decided I wanted to go for a different storyline… It came to me in the shower o.O Well, hope you all like it... and I know it probably sounds very.. odd =P but I am just starting out, let's just say… =) R&R please… all comments DEFINITELY welcome… after all, it IS my first try… =\

----xx

Tezuka thoughtlessly stared into space, not taking in what the sensei was saying.  Even he knew it was out of character, but he could not help himself.  He just did not know what was wrong with him that day.  He had woken up with a horrible headache, a steady pounding behind his eyes.   That dream… what was it about? All he could recall was her.  He could not see her, but he could feel her essence… surrounding him… He shook his head, clearing his thoughts.  

"Class dismissed," the sensei announced. 

A few minutes passed before Tezuka got up, finally ready to leave the classroom, when Fuji joined him near the door.   Tezuka sent him a questioning look, as Fuji rarely approached him so close to their next class.  Tezuka's ambition towards success was well known by Fuji, one of his closest friends.  People that did not know Tezuka well would have thought that Fuji's presence was annoying him, but beneath the stoic expression he held in place, Fuji knew that Tezuka was worried.  After all, it was not likely that Fuji approach Tezuka about much, unless it concerned tennis, and those times, it would be at practices.

"Have you asked her yet?" Fuji asked.

At that, Tezuka's shoulders slumped. "No, not yet… but you know how it is… it's so obvious that her attentions are centred on Ryoma," came Tezuka's forlorn reply.

"We made a promise, and I want what is mine… or who," Fuji replied vehemently.

----xx

Sakuno tuned her out.  Literally.  All she could think about was him… but Tomoka endlessly chattered on, about tennis, about boys, but mainly, about Ryoma-kun.  How annoying.  It's been four years now.  Four years, and all Tomo-chan can think about is Ryoma-kun! Sakuno had learned to get over him, because she knew that Ryoma-kun would never like her; She had realized that she had turned admiration into 'love.' It had taken an encounter with someone else to figure out that whom she really carried feelings for were someone else.  Someone who was probably even more unattainable.  

----xx

A/N: Okay… I'm prepared to be flamed!! hahahaha… there's more to this STUPID story.. but my ideas won't go into words right now =( well… tell me how bad I did.. I am READY. 


	2. Endless Waiting

Disclaimer: No, its not mine  * sob *

A/N: Okay, from now on… Ryoma to the team members=Echizen (Thanks Cinpii!!) It slipped my mind… I was very tired =\ hehe…!  Anyways, before we get to my next (hopefully good) chapter, thank you to EVERYONE who had the time to review!! =) beriath, will something evil happen?? I guess you'll just have to fine out!! ^^ Oh yes, Cinpii, it is DEFINITELY non-yaoi… Sorry for any confusion… Thanks to my BEST Nessa… =) you are too encouraging… and also helpful. Stupid brain deadness. Now… As the plot thickens =)

[…] = Thoughts ( I can't put italics… anyone can tell me, help appreciated!)

----x

Sakuno sat listlessly underneath the sakura tree, looking very despondent, trails of tears leaking out of her eyes.  People passed by, not noticing, but Sakuno was too miserable to care, even if someone noticed.  Not far away, a tall, striking figure could be seen observing her, but he gave no indication to Sakuno that he was there.  After a while, Sakuno got up and left, having regained her composure.  The figure remained.

"Tezuka." 

"Fuji."

"Have you done anything?" He continued to smile, eyes closed, a continually cheerful expression, but Tezuka could read the danger behind those eyes.  He was becoming impatient.

"No."  There was nothing particularly emotional in that one-word response.  It was frozen.

"You don't understand.  Waiting… it will get you no where." 

"I know. But there's nothing I can do about it. Echizen…" was the reply as he walked away.

----x

"Sakuno?" Tomoka flapped her arms in front of her face, but still no response from her. "Are you THERE!?"

"Tomo-chan! Gomen gomen! My mind was wandering… Forgive me please!!"

Tomoka saw Sakuno's expression, and immediately, her expression softened.  "What is wrong Sakuno? You haven't been yourself lately. You seem so depressed!  What happened to the cheerful girl who's smile makes everyone happy?"

"Tomo-chan… Nothing is going on but…"

"But WHAT! I've known you too long for me NOT to know what is wrong! It's about **HIM** isn't it? Sakuno, Ryoma-kun isn't for you to worry about! You are much too nice to be miserable because of him!!"

"It isn't Ryoma-kun.  Tomo-chan, how can I tell you?  For the past four years, everyone believed that I was in love with Ryoma-kun, but that is not true! He had inspired me, yes, helped me realize that tennis was a dream to me, yes, but that was it!  It wasn't him who I liked, not after realizing that I put too much into my admiration! Tomo-chan, we're in high school now, and I just can't put behind the fact that I'm in love… but not with R-ryoma-kun…"

For once, Tomoka was speechless.  Sakuno was starting to get teary again, but she would not cry.  

[I am stronger now… I will not show my weakness.  Tomo-chan is my best friend, perhaps my only true friend, but there are some things that she cannot know, especially not about Tezuka-senpai. Time heals old wounds, and it changes people… Maybe I have changed for the better, but for now, all I can do is put on my mask.]

----x

He was tired.  Tired of waiting, Tired of denying, tired to have wasted his time with useless fantasies.  He turned on his mp3 player, and Kimeru sang softly into his headphones.  Tezuka took out his journal, and started to write. (A/N: Can't Tezuka be sentimental on the inside??)

March 13, 2004

Tomorrow is White Day.  I dreamt about her last night, but this time, I awoke with a feeling of serenity. I don't know what has overcome me, but with each passing day, my longing to be with her increases.  Fuji is probably right, I shouldn't be waiting around like this, but how can I approach her with my feelings when I am almost certain she will never return them? Echizen.  I cannot blame him, because Ryuusaki-sensei is correct.  All great players have a charisma that draws people to them.  I can't stand the fact that she is so close, but so unreachable.  This is my last year here… Maybe something will finally resolve between us… but in my heart, I know that is not so…

----x

A/N: For some reason, I don't think this chapter lives up to anyone's standards… Well, awaiting much needed reviews… ^^ Corrections and whatnot, I'd be happy to change if anyone brings them to my attention! J Does the entry sound too OOC? I seriously think that I am going to get a heart-attack from trying to please readers -_-' 


	3. Finding the Courage

Disclaimer: Once again, ladies and gentlemen, it is not mine!! L

A/N: *sigh *Writing is so hard!! =P I make too many mistakes, ne? (Don't ask me where that came from, I'm Chinese, and don't know much Jap!) ^^ Well, thanks to EVERYONE who was nice enough to write reviews!! J  Thank you Ale-chan for correcting me… My sincerest apologies!! L Blame it on my writing these things at midnight Oh yes, I corrected the second chapter with the mistakes that I know so far, and now, the REAL chapter three is up! On with the show! 

----x

**ring ring**

Incessant ringing filled all of Sakuno's senses.  Reaching blindly, she picked up the phone and mumbled a greeting.  Instant screeching could be heard.  Resignedly, she acknowledged the caller.  Tomo-chan.

"SAKUNO!! Ohaya gozaimasu!! Guess what today is? It's WHITE DAY! Are you giving a gift to your special someone?"

"Tomo-chan," came the mumbled reply.

"SAKUNO!!! WAKE UP!! IT'S 7!! We're going to watch the practice, remember? Then I can give my White Day present to Ryoma-sama! Don't tell me you're not coming anymore, Sakuno!! I can't go without you!!"

"I'm coming… Don't worry… I'll meet you there in half an hour, okay?" After all, she could not miss another chance to see Tezuka-senpai. After debating on what to wear and doing all the normal morning necessities, she left for Seishun Gakuen High School. * 

----x

What am I doing? Tezuka kept thinking to himself.  No one was inside the school yet, save some of the staff members, and if anyone saw, It would seem highly suspicious on his part.  555886.He repeatedly replayed the number inside his head.  He was there.  Tezuka entered the combination and the locker door swung open soundlessly.  He placed the carefully wrapped gift on top of a neatly stacked pile of textbooks, also leaving behind a note that was written on a pristine white sheet of paper.  Of course, the note was placed inside an envelope, but nothing adorned said envelope.  After closing the door, he left to go to the courts outside. 

----x

"Sakuno, over here!" Tomoka yelled from the fence.

Sakuno looked around, and finally found Tomoka.  Running to join her, she almost crashed into someone heading towards the fountains.  Looking back, she muttered a short apology, and hurriedly headed towards Tomoka.  

"Sakuno…" a voice whispered, "Why must you avoid me so?"  

----x

A/N: Sorry the chapters are always so short… But it adds to the excitement… or rather suspense, don't cha think?? ^^ Next chapter will be up soon… Maybe someone will open their locker and see a surprise?? J Don't worry though, this story is far from complete… It wouldn't be any fun if they just "ride off into the sunset together" now would it, Cinpii-senpai?? (Is that the right term? Hahaha!!) Anyways everyone… PLEASE R&R J

--x

*As said in the Prologue, It has been four years since her freshman year at Seishun Gakuen Junior High School


	4. Questioning Decisions

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own it… As usual J

A/N: Didn't get many reviews on chapter 3, so I really don't know if it was satisfactory… Well, thank you to Ale-chan and beriath!! J  Oh yes, Ale-chan, I have NO idea about all the questions you've asked me about White Day... hahaha.. I am very much so an amateur, and I'm only getting all that I'm writing from other fan fics!! J Plus, I haven't even been in Japan before, so count yourself lucky (as Momoshiro-senpai would say)!! I'm very much Canadian… so very sorry that I don't really know how to answer!! ^^ Oh yes… About OOC, I really don't know… I'm writing whatever comes to mind, and it HAS been four years!!

----x

When she opened her locker that morning, a small squeak came out of Sakuno's mouth.  A present? For ME? Her eyes opened wider, and an expression of shock completely overtook her face.  Shaking hands reached out to the present, and carefully, she unwrapped it.  Underneath the wrapping paper lay a beautiful satin box about the size of a photo.  Inside the box was a painting.  Sakuno stared at the painting that was painted so vividly.  It was her, sitting under the sakura tree, a light breeze whispering against her hair.  It was so beautiful she wanted to cry… How had this person captured my emotions so exactly, bringing me to life in a painting?  Then she saw the envelope.

Dear Sakuno,

You have been a part of me since you first walked into my life.  Words alone cannot describe how you make me feel, the joy it brings me when I see your smile, or the pain it causes me when I see you cry.  I wish you could love me as a I love you, but I know it will never be.  I want to wish you the greatest happiness in life, and please, keep the picture, because I want you to see your beauty.

Anonymous.

It was written with a bold, masculine hand, and the first thing that popped out of her mouth was a whispered Tezuka. Then she shook her head. _No, it would never be him. It is better not to indulge in fantasies, for it will hurt all the more when you figure out the truth._

Unknown to her, there were two pairs of eyes watching her. One pair held jealousy, the other resignation, as they both said her name, as if testing it on their tongues. _Who gave her that, and why has she been ignoring me? _The jealous pair of eyes asked_._ _What does she feel? Does she like it? Does she know who I am? _The resigned pair of eyes asked. Sakuno's own eyes held wonder and surprise, but behind that happiness was a sadness that only love could take away.

The first bell rang, and all three of them left for their next classes, but each of them would be confused and questioning the rest of the day. 

----x

            March 14, 2004

This morning I went to school even earlier than usual.  The reason? I suppose it must be obvious. The painting that I've been working on has finally been finished, and this morning, I decided that it was time that she received the only thing that I could give her.  From the distance I was standing from her locker, I could not see her expression when she opened the present and read my letter, but I've hoped and wished even through my denial that she would be happy.  The only thing I regret is not telling her who I am.  Perhaps, one day I will.  After all, I probably might never see her again after this year.  Maybe I should tell her and just see what happens… but can I find the courage within myself? Not only to tell her, but accept it and live on if she refuses me? I welcome sleep right now to my troubled heart.  Will it ever come?

----x

Something was eating away at him, but he did not know what.  It could not be jealousy, could it? Jealousy can't possibly feel like this.  Anyways, how can she even inspire enough feelings in him to make him jealous? But then, he had just admitted his problem, didn't he? It was her. Sakuno.  But why? He's never harboured any feelings towards her before, so why now?

It was the present.  Who had given it to her?  Sure, Sakuno had her fair share of admirers, but they would never go up to her, they just… watched her from far away.  So who was this new chapter in her life? What had this person left in her locker?  He must have been close enough to her to know her locker combination… And he had seen her face.  It was so full of… delight when she had opened the present.

He shook his head, and resolutely said to himself, repeating over and over again… I do not care.

----x

She was giddy. She was sad.  She didn't now what she really felt except for confusion.  All this waiting, it was making her lose her concentration in life. Should she tell him? That question echoed in her mind, pushing doubts into her mind.  She had made a decision.  She had told herself that she would never let him know her feelings for him, but could she be wrong? Maybe, just maybe, she could write him a letter… Just like the person who had given her one. 

She reached out and removed the painting from her backpack.  It was so beautiful, but yet, it held such melancholy in it.  It was in her expression. Her thoughts, her feelings, they could be read so easily, even through the eyes of the painting.  Who was he? Why, of all people, would he like her, and ever spend such time to create such a work of art for her? Why did she feel such an odd sense of comfort when she had that letter close to her, when she looked at the painting?  It was too much for one day.  She climbed into bed, and within minutes, fell into a deep sleep provoked by too many thoughts running through her head.

----x

A/N: Hope everyone enjoys this chapter!! J I hope it is a good, long chapter, J-Windz. Well, longer than my other ones at least =9 The letter and journal entry must have seemed OOC to all you strict critics, eh? Well, review if you have the time, pleases and thank you's! J Oh yeah, I'm still wondering… Does anyone know how I can do italics??


	5. Facing Fears

Disclaimer: Do I have to bother w/disclaimers anymore? It's been on the other four chapters!! (I don't own :P)

A/N: Okay, I REALLY have nothing better to do than to explore this story. Hope you enjoy! Beriath-san, what's forte? -_-' I'm only familiar w/piano term. Cinpii-senPAI, thank you for reviewing... Hope you feel more cheerful though XD I DO save into html but before, my italics didn't work… btw… Tezuka addressed Sakuno by her first name because it WAS a love letter! And HE IS IN LOVE XD; Tezuka is NOT being unconfident!! Feelings of the heart are hard to describe, so if it makes someone act OOC, what can you do? We haven't seen Tezuka in love, so you never know!!

----x

Something was poking her, but what? Groggily, she felt around with her hand, finding a hard frame.  She jumped. A frame? In my bed? Then the memories started flashing back. Practice, classes, her locker, the present. _The present!_ She got up quickly, hoping that she didn't damage her gift. She let out a breath that she hadn't known she had been holding. It hadn't been damaged. Reluctantly, she got out of bed, instantly missing the warmth of her bed. She reminded herself to get some pyjamas that actually had long sleeves and pant legs. 

Is it just me, or is there a chill in here?   
  
She took a deep breath, brushing her hair away from her face.  Stretching, she headed into the bathroom. Another day begins. Today is the last day to avoid Ryoma-kun. Perhaps this gives me relief, but an odd sense of longing too. What will I do when I no longer need to avoid? She stopped. Why do I care? Why am I avoiding him anyways? Then she remembered. Tezuka-buchou*.  I may be imagining things, but in my heart, I feel as if he notices me more when I am not near Ryoma-kun. Its as if everything in my life always goes back to buchou. Love.  Why is there so many complications in something so beautiful?  Wearily, she got changed after brushing her teeth and washing her face.  Taking a brush, she brushed her hair until it shone, and braided it carefully into her two signature strands. Lastly, she took her daisy hairclip and clipped her hair into place. She stood straighter, and changed her mind. Today will be different.  She untied her hair and let it fall down, some strands framing her face, others cascading down her slender body. Running downstairs, she took something to eat and left for school. 

----x

"O-hayou gozai masu, Ryoma-kun!" 

Ryoma turned around at the familiar voice. _But why?  _"Ne?"

A smiling face greeted him. "I just wanted to say hi, Ryoma-kun."

He nodded. _Why would she talk to me after ignoring me for so long? _He chased the question out of his mind. It was not his business to know. He left, wondering still. Sakuno just smiled. She saw his puzzled expression, and was silently amused.  For once, she was not the one left wondering why. Suddenly, she felt someone watching her with a deep intensity.  Turning around, she couldn't see anyone, but she could not erase the feeling of being watched. _I must be over-reacting._

----x

"One last try…" A weary voice said, "but no more."

Fuji nodded. "It makes sense… but although subtlety may be beautiful, there are times when something needs to be obvious to be noticed and appreciated. Why can't you take that one chance? What is holding you back? For once, tell me what is behind that stoic expression."  His eyes opened. "Tell me." 

"Its is not myself that is holding me back.  I don't do it of my own free will.  Guilt. That's what makes me stumble and retreat. How can I explain something so deep?" he replied.

"You aren't the only one who… loves.  It is not a simple thing, neither easy nor difficult." Fuji replied. "It only becomes so when you make it so.  I've learned from my mistakes. Will you? Letting go won't be easy, especially when the river runs so deep." He bowed down his head. "No, it isn't easy, but have you ever thought that you may have a part of her heart as well?" 

"Some things are better left unsaid."  He said.

"I just want my old friend back…" Fuji said as he watched Tezuka's retreating form.

----x

_"Come with me. Tell me your secrets," a soft voice said. _

_He resisted, but had a sudden change of heart. He followed the voice. But why was it so dark?_

_ "Come find me, Tezuka… Find me in this darkness, and I will show you light." _

_"Who are you?" he asked._

_"I am who you wish me to be. Find me a face, and it will be so. Give me a name, and it will be me."_

_"S-sakuno.." came the whispered reply._

_"Then so it shall be done…" she appeared to him briefly, then just as suddenly disappeared. He looked around desperately, trying to find her, see her one last time, her glossy brown hair flowing down her back, framing her delicate face, atop a slender, graceful body. But she was…  
  
"Gone…where are you? Come back!" _

_"Help me… help me…" her voice echoed through the darkness, but no one was there._

Tezuka woke up. Sweat dripped down his face, and he felt a dreadful fear. His heart was pounding, the beats uneven and quick.  It was like… he had lost something vital to him. Sitting up, he looked at the clock. 12 o'clock. It was long past time for him to get up, but for some reason, there was a sluggishness in him, something that made him want to stay in bed and not move for the next ten years. Resignedly, he left the bed, brushed his teeth, showered and dressed. After he made his bed, he left for the small coffee shop a few blocks away from his house. He still couldn't erase the fear though, and it kept nagging away at him, even after he took his seat by the window and slowly drank his tea.

Suddenly, the café went into complete silence, and faint screams were all he could hear.

----x

*Whoever criticized A.Z-Justice about how Sakuno addresses Tezuka in Could it Be, (Cinpii/beriath?) Watch episode 63 ^^ 

A/N: hmm.. I think it was slightly OOC. What do you think? (Sakuno explaining why she was greeting Ryoma) Hope it wasn't too short everyone!


	6. Regreting Silence

A/N: Ooookay! ^^ Chapter six is here… Aw, I was so disappointed about not getting as many reviews, but that's okay! Onward I write ^^ This italics thing is REALLY bugging me… Sometimes it shows up, sometimes it doesn't… WHY?

----x

The sound of sirens came closer, but the broken mind could not hear it. _It hurts so much… why can't I see anything?  _Everything faded away, and she fell into the darkness, blessedly away from the pain.

----x

People had started to stand up to see what all the commotion outside was, trying to see what had happened.  There were whispers between couples, staff and customers, exchanging what little information there was. _It was a car accident.  A girl was hit. There's so much blood! Is she dead? _No one left the cafe to go closer to the scene of the accident, to try and help. It was as if some force was holding them all back, away from the obscenity of it all. The faint sirens were burning away at him, deafening him. He got up. There was a profound silence, and the scrape of his chair against the floor could be heard a mile away. He could hear the people's gasps, questioning what he was doing. _Is something wrong with him? Where is he going? Is he going to try and help? _He took slow steps, a force in his heart pushing him ever closer to where the limp body and shocked spectators were. He was there.

"Move away from the body. She needs oxygen for any chance of survival." His calm command broke through to the traumatized minds. Almost as one, they moved away from the body. Then he saw her face. Blood covered her, soaked into her torn clothes, but her features were still visible. He felt a clenching, excruciating pounding in his heart. It was Sakuno. 

"Has anyone called the ambulance?" he asked in a hoarse voice. 

A voice shouted, "I have!" It sounded so distant, as if he were isolated from the person.

It was only a few seconds, but to Tezuka, it felt like hours. The ambulance finally arrived, taking Sakuno's body. He ran to it before they closed the doors.

"Take me with you. I know her." He could hear himself talking, and it sounded so lifeless, even to his own ears. They let him go, as if they were unsure if he could be left alone.

----x

"R-ryusaki-sensai?" he cleared his throat, hoping to put forth a more controlled voice.

"Hai? Who is this? Tezuka… is that you?"

"R-yusaki-sensai, gomen nasaii… Come, hospital…" he replied, static cutting off most of his words. "Your…Sakuno… Accident." He hung up.

"Hello?"

----x

Forms. The nurse had told him to fill them in. _There are so many forms… What am I supposed to do with them? Fill them in? _The questions kept echoing in his mind, but he didn't really care.  The smell of medicine, of sickness, cloyed him, making him want to leave. He stood by the reception table, wishing he wasn't there, wishing that the car hadn't hit Sakuno, wishing everything was okay, that he had told her how he felt. _If only wishes come true._

----x

"May I help you?" the nurse at the reception table asked.

"I'm looking for my grand-daughter.  I was told she was here… " Ryusaki Sumire asked. "Oh, never mind… " She trailed off as she saw Tezuka, and left to go talk to him.  _There's an odd slump to his shoulders… _

"Tezuka?" She tapped him on the shoulder, as he didn't respond.

He turned around, looking slightly shocked and miserable. It was hard to discern, but it was there. "R-ryusaki-sensei?"

"Ne, Tezuka, what is wrong? What has happened to Sakuno? You said she was here… Something about an accident? I Couldn't hear you properly, there was a lot of static. Where is she?"

"She's in the emergency room…"

Nothing could have looked more devastating. It was as if she had crumpled, leaving behind a wilted body.  Her eyes were no longer sharp and witty, but depressed, anxious, and worried.  She looked much older then she was just a minute ago. _I did not want to tell her… because I did not want her to feel the pain that I feel. I can feel her mourning; I understand her suffering… but I don't want to. I don't want to be a part of this. _  

"I think she will be okay, Ryusaki-sensei. Do not worry. She is a strong person, and I believe she will be okay." _If only what I say is true. Let her be okay, God. Please… _"I need your help though. The nurse gave me these forms, but I cannot fill everything out, so could you finish filling them in?" 

There was a change in her posture. _So having something to do has helped. _Once again, she was calm, but in her eyes, you could still see her anxiety. Her footsteps were not as quick, but they were no longer lifeless. She would be okay. _For now._

----x

"Are you the relatives of a Ryusaki Sakuno?" The voice seemed remote, faint. 

_Who is that? Where am I?_ Feeling disoriented, he shook himself awake. After finishing with the hospital forms, they had taken seats in the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting area. Somehow, throughout all the waiting, it seemed they had fallen asleep. Ryusaki-sensei was still not yet awake, so he gently shook her arm, and she, too, woke up. She looked around, and remembered, as well, what had happened. The nurse repeated the question.

Ryusaki haltingly responded with a "H-hai."

"Come with me. The doctor would like to speak with you two." There was a sympathetic quality to her voice and her expression. Tezuka prepared for the worst. Or tried to. _Please, don't let her be gone from us… from me… _His mask fell of his face, and all his emotions could be read.  As if he had noticed, he quickly put the mask back on. But not before Ryusaki-sensei's sharp eyes has seen his intense pain. Questions went through her mind, but she pushed them aside, concentrating on her footsteps towards where the doctor was standing. Her legs were weak, but she would not permit herself to fall.

----x

"Gomen…" 

----x

A/N: How was the chapter? ^^ Hope you're all looking forward to finding out what the doctor has to say!! XD **sigh** I was wondering… Does it mean that an author has blocked me because I can't review his/her story anymore? 


	7. Remaining Faithful

A/N: I can't seem to stop writing. I think the story will end soon though… (by the was, this chapter was thought out before your review, beriath-san… so I guess that you may have an idea of what will happen, ne? and sorry for making her sound dead. ^^) charz, thanks for reviewing!  

----x

"I'm so sorry… Your granddaughter is in a coma. We were able to save her, but we weren't able to wake her after the surgery, and a coma's aren't something that we can predict.  I'm very sorry, for she can stay in a coma for days, weeks, or even years. I hope she will get well soon, for her sake as well as yours." 

"Is there any way to speed up her healing process?" Ryusaki-sensai asked. 

"No, I'm afraid not…" the doctor replied.

After a round of questioning from both Tezuka and Ryusaki-sensai, the doctor left, answering the page to get to the next patient he needed to treat. He said, as he got out of sight, "Come visit her occasionally, I've heard it was good for the patient. I'll see you for an appointment about her condition tomorrow. You can go see her now. She's in room 314, floor 3."

----x

It was like a maze.  Tubes were snaking in and out of her body, completing almost any task you could imagine. It smelled so much like death, he wanted to turn away, to get out of the room, and pretend that nothing had happened.  He forced himself to look at her face, at her body. He was scared. Her once vivacious features were blank, cold, and emotionless. A healthy skin tone had turned into a pasty white. The doctor said she was okay, but she didn't look it… He strained to breathe. _She looks like death. What if she never comes back to me?_

None of his fears showed on his face.  He brought over the plastic chair sitting by the doorway beside the bed.  He motioned for Ryusaki-sensai to go sit there, but she didn't move, so he guided her to the chair.  He watched with bated breath as she took Sakuno's hand into her own, and started to cry. She did not sob, there were only small tears that leaked out of her eyes. She was talking to Sakuno, but her voice was too soft for Tezuka to hear. Occasionally, he could hear her say a word or two, and he wondered if he should leave. _But I don't want to… I want to stay with her… _And so, he stayed.

----x

Ryusaki-sensai had left the hospital room, and Tezuka was alone with Sakuno.  He was about to sit down on the chair, when there was a soft knock at the door.  A nurse came in, carrying a few items on a tray.  At first, he thought it was medicine, but when she came closer, he saw that they were some personal items of Sakuno's. 

"We found these items with her when we were preparing her for surgery," the nurse said as an explanation. "We were planning to give them back after the surgery, but with everything going on, we didn't realize that these were still there until just now. Gomen."

She placed the items on one of the bedside tables and left.  Tezuka tried to fight off the curiosity, but in the end, it won him over.  Carefully, he looked at what was on the table.  There was a handbag, a hairclip and some loose change.  He thought it amazing that with the head injuries that Sakuno had suffered, her hairclip being unbroken was ironic.  He was about to turn back to Sakuno when he saw a piece of paper under the handbag.  Something made him take it out from under the handbag. Slowly, he took the piece of paper closer, recognizing the feel. He dared not hope, but yet, he did.  The paper was slightly crumpled, and ceased from a lot of reading, but the words were still visible.

_Dear Sakuno,_

_You have been a part of me since you first walked into my life. _

He did not need to continue reading.  He recited it from his head. 

_Words alone cannot describe how you make me feel, the joy it brings me when I see your smile, or the pain it causes me when I see you cry. I wish you could love me as a I love you, but I know it will never be. I want to wish you the greatest happiness in life, and please, keep the picture, because I want you to see your beauty._

Carefully, he put the paper into her handbag and got up.  Leaning over, he gave a soft kiss to Sakuno on her right cheek. _Don't leave me. I can't live without you. _He held her hand for a split second, and said those same words aloud. And then he left. A single tear lid past her eye, but she did not awaken.  

----x

Weeks went by, and every day after school, Tezuka would go and visit Sakuno. He would bring her a different flower everyday, and if anyone thought it odd that he was visiting Sakuno so often, they never said. Although Sakuno was not very popular, she had many friends.  Flowers and cards would be sent to her room, and Tezuka's small tokens would seem lost in all the other gifts, but still he came. Every visit though, she stayed in her coma, never moving, never opening her eyes.  Even through this Tezuka remained faithful, and would still visit her everyday.  At times he would feel depressed, but he pushed the feeling out. He lived by tennis and Sakuno. That was his life, and he was not the type to give up so easily. And so, he remained hopeful, until the summer came.  The first day of summer was one that he would never forget…

----x

A/N: Hope that was a good chapter everyone! Reviews... Oh how I love reviews!! ^^


	8. Musings in Time

A/N: WOW! So many reviews!! ^^ Thank you everyone for being such a patient audience.

----x

He finally realized why no one had said a word about his frequent visits to her.  No one had noticed.  _I..I have hidden myself, my feelings, for everyone, especially to Sakuno, for so long, that no one understands what I do and why. It isn't that they don't want to know, but can't. Is this what I seem like to Sakuno? Am I an unfeeling person? _He stopped his musings. They simply weren't healthy. What he needed to do right now was concentrate on his tennis. Practice would be over soon, and he looked forward to visiting Sakuno, although, with every visit, his melancholy increased. It was a part of his life that he loved but hated at the same time. Visiting her, being able to see her was a privilege, but seeing her so weak, with no emotions, tore away at his heart.

----x

It had been three months, and still she lay motionless. Everyone had heard about the accident, and sent her cards, flowers, and gifts. Even himself.  He wondered how it was like to be in her state. _Can you feel, see, and hear things when you're in a coma? Can you understand all that is happening? Does she want to live? _He shook his head. _Now is not the time for this. Tennis is more important. _He had to admit it though. He was worried. _What is she to me? _The question echoed in his head, and he started to feel sick. _WHAT IS SHE TO ME? _He yelled it out… a silent scream from one Echizen Ryoma's confused mind.

----x

_Where am I? _She opened her eyes, but at first, she could only see faint shadows. Blinking, she was able to make out a few more shapes. _This isn't my room… Why can't I see anything properly? _As if just regaining feeling, she noticed the many tubes and medical appliance surrounding her, connected to her. _A h-hospital? _ A light suddenly glared in her eyes, and a soft breeze rustled the curtains.  The smell of summer encased the room, momentarily removing the strong medicinal smells. She took a breath, and filled her lungs with the fresh air. Suddenly, propelled by some unnatural force, she looked towards the window. There, standing, was one of the most striking figures she had ever seen in her entire life.  As if that force too, propelled him, he turned around and met her eyes. Her vision cleared. Somewhere, in the depths of her mind, she remembered his presence in her life… but… _Who is he? _She opened her mouth, wanting to speak, but she saw him open his mouth at the same time, so she decided to let him talk first. He whispered something, but she could not hear him. 

Trying not to be rude, she asked, "A-ano… I don't mean to be rude… but who are you?"  

Despair crossed his features, but only for a moment.  It was so faint, Sakuno wasn't sure if she had mistaken what she had seen. _Who is he to care about me? Why am I here? _Questions repeatedly went through her mind, and she searched her heart for answers. _Something in my heart tells me that this one person meant a great deal to me, but why can I not remember? Bits and pieces of my life are coming together in my mind, but it is as if the most important parts are missing._

----x

_She doesn't remember me. She doesn't remember me… _He heard a crack. _Is that my heart breaking? _Then there was the sound of a thousand shattered glass pieces falling to the floor. _Is that all that is left of my life? _Misery… _No, that is too light a word… _pain… _that was too physical. _There was no word to describe how he felt.  He almost dropped the bouquet of flowers. _I wanted to welcome the summer for Sakuno… but it seems that this summer will only bring pain… _

He went closer to her bed. "Is it alright with you if I sit down?"

"H-hai."

"Do you remember anything at all?"

"I can only remember small things, things that have happened in my childhood, how life was life… but I can't seem to recall any of the people in my life… " _As if all I can see is the stage, but the actors have not come out to perform yet._

----x

"Ryusaki-sensei? Its Tezuka."

"Have you any news?"

"Your granddaughter has woken up… but I'm afraid…

"She has lost her memory, hasn't she, Tezuka?"

"Perhaps… Hai."

"Don't worry about it… I'll be there shortly. Eh, Tezuka…"

"Hai?"

"Ehn… Forget it… Just an old lady's musings…"

"Hai. Ja mata, sensei."

"Ah. Ki o tsukete, Tezuka."

----x

It was so quiet. He got up and turned on his stereo, looking for a station that had softer music. He wanted to think. _Mada mada dane. It would do.  _He lay back down on his bed, thinking.  Almost by accident, he found himself wondering about Sakuno. _A coma… _And, as always, he denied himself the thought of her. He asked himself questions, always posing Sakuno as the wrong doer.  He just could not accept it… And he could not ask himself the one question that may have a made a world of difference in his life. Never once, and never in his life, would he ever ask himself _Why is it that she makes my life so much better? _Nor _Why does she make me feel the way I do? _But always, it would be… _What is she to me? She is no one. _Perhaps, in his subconscious, he knew he lied to himself about her, but it would never make a difference. Never, because he had already cut himself off. _She is awake. No longer is she my concern. _And that, for him, was the end.

----x

_Why can't she remember me? Was I so insignificant a part of her life that I am one of the people that she just can't remember? _Thinking. Lately, that's been all he had been doing. It was hard to enjoy life when your world is turned upside down. _I once said that I could not live without her. But how can I live knowing that she is just so close to me… but yet, so far. _It was like a book.  You finish half of it, anticipating what happens next, but suddenly, something you wished never to happen in the book happens.  There is no reading between the lines.  You had wanted to read on, to find out how the rest of the journey inside those covers were, but then… There is that one thing that happens, and you can no longer bear to find out. 

Perhaps it was long overdue to have a talk with Fuji.

----x

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed! As always, reviews are welcomed and loved ^^ If my Japanese is a little off, I apologize in advance! (I'm really bad at this… Trying to learn it, but not very well, since I can't even learn my own language properly (Chinese) ^^) Also, I'm trying very hard to write longer chapters that also stop at a point where everyone just HAS to come back and read the rest! (Hopefully) ^^ 


	9. Discovering Inspiration

A/N: Thank you everyone and anyone who was kind enough to give me feedback! And I apologize for not meeting your standards, Cinpii-sensei... Lol. Well, enjoy everyone! And I hope I haven't unredeemed myself. Also, thanks to Ale-chan, who helped me with a little bit of referencing, Julie, who helped proofread! doomo! ^^ 

----x

"Eh… what's that?" Fuji, who was lying on his bed thinking, said out loud. There was a sound… It was faint, but it was there.  Then realization hit him in the face. _My cell phone! _ He almost scrambled in his haste to reach the phone in time, knowing that the conversation would be an important one.

"Hello?"

"Tezuka," Fuji replied, after he saw the caller ID. Ii wasn't necessary though. He could recognize Tezuka's voice very easily. "I heard about…"

"Its true…"

"Does she…" He paused for a second, looking for the right words. "Is everything gone?"

"I don't know… I just don't know…"

"You don't sound like yourself, Tezuka…"

"I know… but I can't do anything about it… Everything seems so lost now… As if I threw away every chance I had. There's a hole inside of me… One that I can't fill in… I don't know what to do anymore…"

"Some of these things we can't do anything about.  Maybe its time you let fate enter your life… This journey… Maybe its time to let things out of your grasp. Let it go, and let it come to you instead…" 

There were unspoken words, but the intensity of their friendship created no barriers of communications.  Words are just words.  When you know and trust someone for so long in your life, countless stories shared, it becomes second nature to instinctively know.  And that was what they were. They stopped talking, because hanging up is simple. But never did they stop communicating with each other.  It wasn't verbal, and many times it wasn't, and would never be… but of the heart… That was what it is.

----x

_It was dark. There was not much else to say.  The room wasn't shrouded in shadows for there were none.  In fact, there was no room at all.  Wall-less. Lightless. Joyless. That was the existence.  Suddenly, there was a blinding light. _

"Where am I?"

His voice echoed around him.  What was once dark was now white.  It wasn't… normal… He couldn't think of the appropriate word to describe it. There was a glowing quality to what he was surrounded by… and it spoke volumes. Not because of how it looked, but because of how he felt. It reminded him of his mother. He felt a pang, but he allowed himself no more thought of her… Or so it seemed.  The brightness distracted him once more. He felt soothed by the… clarity… that encircled him. 

"Untainted."  He tested the word on his lips, and he felt it again… That soothing calm that took away everything… As if knowledge was in his reach, wisdom, a small step away.

He looked down at the floor, and moved one of his feet.  It was as if he was standing on water. He could see it rippling out from the impact his foot made on the surface, and yet… it wasn't water.  He wasn't sure how, but he knew for certain that it wasn't.  The scent of lilies reached his nose. It swirled around him, and he saw a piece of paper.  One piece turned into many, and they all gathered around him, as if dancing.  He could see… What is it that he could see? It was… writing… He squinted, and all the letters came into focus. Sakuno. It was like a puzzle. The pieces of paper danced and twirled around him, but he couldn't see the edges of the sheets.  He could just see her name. Details… There were none.

Suddenly, he heard something breathing. "Sakuno…" A voice said. It was soft, comforting. Something he hadn't heard in a very long time. 

"Mother?"

Everything faded from his mind. 

He woke up.  He was clutching something… Groggily, he turned on his bedside light, and stared at the familiar object he was holding.  It was open to a page that was dated March 14, 2004. His journal.  Inspiration struck, hope returned.  _It will be a new beginning._

----x

_What's it like not to remember anything?_ Thoughts flitted through his mind as he practiced. Hit after hit, he would ask himself questions… _I am not thinking about her. I am not thinking about her._ He was unwilling to admit it… but she would always be in his mind, nudging at his memory. All those times she had tried to talk to him, ask him about his interests in that shy way of hers. Regret.  It was a sharp pain, perhaps one that may not last forever, but it was there, poking and prodding at his peace of mind.  There wasn't much he could say.  That feeling was there, but there was no way to describe it.  _It is better not to think at all. I am my life.  All these things I can't worry about now. _There are different times for different things… and right then, his path of life did not include her. That, for him, was it.  There was no more to say, no need to explain, because that is the path he chose, his decision on something that he could not control in the first place. He let go.

To Ryoma, it was just another choice in his life. Importance was never placed on that choice. It may have changed his life forever, but for better or for worse? It was an answer no one would ever know.

----x

He was nervous.  Will I find what I am looking for? Today would be the last day that she would be staying at the hospital, and he wanted to find It before she found it herself. It's time to tell her… whether she remembers or not. He reached the front door.  Taking a deep breath, he rang the doorbell.  A few seconds passed by, and a woman opened the door.

"Tezuka?"

"Ryusaki-sensei. May I come in?"

"Of course. I'm sorry. I was just surprised to see you here." She led him into the house, and directed him into the sitting area. "Take a seat. I will bring out some tea." She bustled into the kitchen, looking as if she was on a mission. This brought a slight raise of Tezuka's lips. Some things never change. Tezuka thought to himself. She came back out of the kitchen, carrying a tray with tea on it. She took a seat, and glanced curiously at Tezuka for a second. Neither wanted to start the conversation, but her curiousity won her over, and she spoke.

"So what has brought you here today?"

"I need your help.  I was wondering…" He paused for a second, trying to put it eloquently, so that it didn't seem like he… was demanding something. If it was one thing Tezuka was, he was not rude. Seeing him pause, the sensei was about to interrupt, but stopped when she saw him start to talk again.

"I think I might have found out a way to try and help Sa-" He caught himself just in time, but he thought he saw her eyes glint in an amused way. "Your granddaughter to regain her memory."

"Ah. Go on."

"I don't want to sound as if I'm being nosy, but I believe that there's an item in her room that may help… Is it possible for me to go and look for it?"

"Yes, of course. You are welcome to do so, but please don't take too long."

"Arigato." She nodded, and guided him up the stairs. When they reached Sakuno's room, Ryusaki-sensei silently opened the door, leading Tezuka into the small room. Glancing around, Tezuka immediately found what he was searching for. He looked at Ryusaki-sensei with questioning eyes, but she just smiled and nodded her consent. Tezuka went straight to her bed, reaching for the small painting that lay on the bedside table, and for her handbag as well.  He opened the handbag and took out a piece of paper that was tucked neatly into one of the pockets. As Tezuka was leaving the room, Ryusaki-sensei got a glimpse of what he was holding, and recognized the piece of paper in his hand. She smiled. _Ah, I should have known it was he. Not only should I have recognized his writing, but also, only he can write like that._ She gave a quick, deprecatory shake to her head, and led Tezuka back downstairs.  He left after exchanging goodbyes, and Ryusaki-sensei closed the door. Leaning slightly on the door, she could not help but keep smiling. _Ah, Love…_

----x

A/N: Well, there it was. Review please. I'd be glad to hear from everyone!  I think this chapter was different then the other ones. I don't know why… it just doesn't seem like my normal chapters… hahaha.  Maybe this story isn't as close to being finished as I thought…


	10. Taking Chances

A/N: Sorry for the wait everyone!! I haven't been able to go online for a long time, so I have to do a lot of catching up to do! Moving and all the computer mess ups sure get me mussed up Hope everyone enjoys this chapter... Now I'm off to do some reading! R&R pleases and thank yous!  
  
----x  
  
Unconsciously clutching the painting in his hands, his dream wouldn't leave his mind. What does it all mean? Why now? Unwillingly, he thought about the voice. Mother. Why did you leave me? Why did you have to go? It wouldn't leave him at peace. Even now, after so many years, the memory ate away at him. clawing, scratching, every painful part of the past, always lurking at the back of his mind. Being stoic wasn't easy. For every person who hides behind a mask, there is a reason.

_It was cold. So very, very cold. He wrapped his fingers around his legs, rocking back and forth, back and forth. The darkness surrounded him, the loneliness a part of him. The screaming, yelling, insults, they all echoed in his mind. There was a crash, but he could not react to it. He was trapped. Trapped in his mind, hoping to take away the pain of hearing, of feeling.   
  
He could easily perceive the sounds of shouting from downstairs.   
  
"Its all your fault!" one voice screamed.  
  
A deeper, rougher voice replied, "I hate you! Nothing has gone right because of you! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!"  
  
Love, it no longer existed, and he lived in a world of hate.   
  
The screaming continued, the fights were longer, until finally, on that fateful day, there were no more arguments. There were no words, because there was no longer a person for his father to fight with. His mother was gone.   
  
He finally got up to courage to as the question that was nagging away at his young mind. "Father, where is mother?" the tentative question came out from the mouth of the frightened boy.  
  
"That does not concern you. She is not longer a part of your life. Do you understand me?" This was spoken angrily, forced, as if he didn't even want to mention her. But that was only because he didn't.  
  
Tezuka was too scared to speak, to reply. All he could do was give a scared nod.  
  
But that was not enough. His nod was only met with more yelling. His father was angry, very angry. "NEVER MENTION HER EVER AGAIN." With that, he slammed the door and left. Tezuka was once again left alone, apart. Where once was a happy, united family, there were now only broken pieces left._  
  
Not once, after that day, would he give a genuine smile. He promised himself, never to show weakness, never to show want, because wanting was a weakness, and weaknesses lead to your end. He was no longer a child, but an adult. Not in body, but in mind. Because scars can last a lifetime.   
  
----x  
  
Random thoughts crossed through her mind. About her recovery, about the losses she had experienced, about her memories. Or rather, lack of them. _T-teka. Tezaku. Ah! Tezuka. Yes, that's his name. I remember something!_ His face swirled into her thoughts, and her heart skipped a beat as she saw his handsome profile in her mind. She thought about him. In fact, all she did was think about him. Even without her memories, her knowledge of all that had happened so long ago, he was still important to her. In what way?   
  
"_In every way_," her heart responded to her question.   
  
She was taken out of her thoughts when there was a light knock on her door. _Tezuka?_ But she was disappointed, as it was only the nurse and doctor.  
  
The doctor saw the brief glimmer of disappointment when he and the nurse had come in, and wondered. _Perhaps her memory has returned for her to have such strong feelings about a visitor._ "Ah, Ryusaki-chan. How are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm very good, thank you, Doctor. I was wondering. Do you have any idea when all my memory will return?"  
  
"Ah, I was about to ask you about that. Have you regained some of it?"  
  
"No, but... I have all these feelings inside of me, telling me... he-" Sakuno blushed as she abruptly cut off her sentence.  
  
There was a sparkle in the doctor's eyes as he replied, "I see that there must be someone particularly special. Well, since you seem well enough, we're just here to do a final check-up before you leave tonight." Moments after the initial check-up was completed and the nurse administered the medicine, there was another knock on the door.  
  
Sakuno, just about to lay down, said, "Oh. Who could that be? Ano. Come in."  
  
As the young man walked into the room, the doctor, once again with the twinkle in his eye, said "Ah, Ryusaki-chan. I guess we'll be leaving then. Good night!" With that, the friendly doctor closed the door and left.  
  
There was a moment of silence, and then both of them spoke at the same time.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"I-."  
  
There was another moment of silence before Sakuno finally spoke. "Ne. Tezuka-kun? What were you going to say?" Evidently, after the amnesia had taken place, Sakuno was not as shy as she used to be. Tezuka, too, looked slightly shocked that she had spoken first, but covered it up very quickly. He could not hide a little bit of his excitement though, and Sakuno wondered what this stranger had to tell her.  
  
"Ah. Have you regained some of your memory? Is that why you know my name?"  
  
She looked apologetic, and it saddened him to see her like that. "Ano. I'm sorry, but it just came to me."  
  
Again, there was silence. Tezuka searched his mind, trying to find a way to bring up the subject, but found that he couldn't. There were words, but they just didn't go together. He decided then, to just be straightforward, and risk it. _There's no more time to waste. It's either now. or never._  
  
He cleared his throat, and said, "Ah." He paused, suddenly realizing that he had never really talked to her before, and didn't know how to address her._ I can't call her by her first name. that is too personal, and neither can I just call her Ryusaki, as that is how I call the others._ After another bout of thinking, he said, "Ryusaki-chan." Again, he stopped. Sakuno was about to interrupt when he said, "I think I have a way to help you remember again."  
  
Judging by the shocked look on her face, Tezuka could tell that Sakuno was having trouble trying to take it all in. Her face was like the changing frames in a video. One minute, she looked shocked, and then there was a blank quality to her features. Finally, she looked lost and a little fearful. _Did I say something wrong?_ He carefully arranged his face back into his mask, not wanting to look like he cared. Then he wondered_. Why not?   
_  
_Today is a day of change._  
  
----x  
  
A/N: I'm planning on writing an angsty one-shot... If it's not really related to PoT, would anyone read it??


	11. Revalations

A/N:I'm so sorry, everyone who reads this fic, for taking so long to update, but lately… it just hasn't come to me! Fear not, I won't abandon it… No, that would hurt too much, so here's a short… chapter?... I'm thinking of ending this fic maybe at the next chapter though…? What does everyone think about that? Well, review please! It will keep me going when the days get rough D Thanks again for the one's who have stuck by me… I appreciate that a LOT! Oh mann… it's almost been one WHOLE YEARR…

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It wasn't easy. Walking down the halls, knowing that there was something missing… always missing. It ate away at her, a ceaseless gnawing, slow, and yet, so very painful. At first, she had been spending her time regaining awareness – the slow process of awakening form a deep slumber, trying to find and understand a world that was once so familiar.

But then there was the emptiness.

The constant ache, the knowledge that you weren't complete – not really, and the fact that you may never be complete hurt.

It definitely wasn't easy.

But you learn to adjust – through it all, she found something… herself. She grew up. The changes may not have been evident to anyone's eyes – no, only to those closest to her, but they were there. No longer was she the wallflower; she gained courage. She was polite, yes, but now she knew not to hide – she could speak.

She wasn't jaded though.

Through every piercing step, her love for the world remained, along with the knowledge she gained. She was Sakuno. The only difference? She was more alive… She was real.

* * *

Tezuka took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. _I must remain calm. I must remain calm… _Ironically, the slightly hysterical thought that kept echoing in his mind _did _calm him. His eyes hungrily devoured the sight of her sitting there, back to full health. _This may be the last time I ever see her again… ever. _He almost heard his heart shatter with the thought. _Don't ever forget me… _His nerveless fingers unconsciously gripped the items he held in his hand.

Unknowingly, he had drawn her gaze towards the items in which he was so desperately clutching. Curiosity piqued, Sakuno forgot her fear of the unknown. Softly, she asked him, "Ano, but what do you have in your hands, Tezuka-kun?"

Tezuka, startled, gave a small squeak. Clearing his throat, he continued, "Might I suggest we continue this conversation outside?"

She looked puzzled for a moment, but agreed to follow him outdoors. They were silent as they went down the elevator, each caught up in their own thoughts. As the elevator descended, Tezuka thought about what he should tell Sakuno when they reached the grounds. They finally got off the elevator, and together, they walked out the sliding doors. Tezuka lead her down a small stone path, and the change from institute to paradise was slowly occurring. Paved areas became grassy, towering structures to trees. The gentle melody of lapping water overcame the hustle and bustle of the busy city streets, the two standing silently, unconsciously taking in the sanctuary of this oasis.

Most assuredly, this riverside garden was one of peace.

Basking in the warmth of the sun, neither of them wanted to break the silence. To break it meant to take away the peace… It meant coming back to reality. Sakuno knew she should speak, but the words were lost in her mind, held back by the boundaries that only fear could bring.

Fear… and Hope.

Tezuka wanted to go back, to be away from that daunting task. He wanted to be by himself, away from the possibility of rejection, away from his insecurities, because it was there. Always there…

Love… and Fear.

They pushed and they pulled, a seemingly never ending fight, where the change of characters would only bring a new set of rules into play. They hid, they commanded, they changed an existence into a life. Three emotions. Three cards.

Love. Fear. Hope.

The truth, a lie, and a dream.

They kept pulling and pulling, on and on, until the ropes broke. This time, the truth would win. "I want to show you something."

Her questioning eyes turned toward him, the silence finally broken. He brought the items closer to his heart, as if unwilling to let go, unable to part with such a big secret. He let out his breath, one he hadn't even known he'd been holding, and gave a tersely spoken, "Here." Almost violently, he shoved the package into her hands, and then backed away.

Hoping that against all odds that the shade would bring a semblance of the peace she had found earlier but had now lost, she accepted the package and walked to a nearby tree. Peace eluded her, but she found courage. Knowing that what she held would change her life forever, she was apprehensive, but through all her muddled thoughts and feelings, she found the courage. Her now steady fingers slowly opened the package like a child that had never received a Christmas present would. Her hand movements were precise, not wanting to ruin the paper, her heart savoring the moment. And when it was unwrapped, she was pulled into a vortex of déja vu. She was flooded, each sense being filled with memories, like a balloon being filled with helium, a tsunami that plunged over her, again and again, entrapping her mind, body, and soul. She was racked by it all, and losing energy, she dropped to the ground, a dead weight.

Her light body made no sound, but Tezuka sensed something was wrong. Worried, he turned around, and what he saw was almost too much to bear. Once again, she was gone from him, unknowing, unseeing. His body in a trance, he walked to her, every step like lifting a foot of lead. Finally, he reached her, and crouching, he caressed her face with gentle fingers.

Softly, Tezuka spoke. "Sakuno…?"

Her eyes shot open, glazed over and confused, but she whispered one last word before her eyes closed once more. His eyes darkened in pain, but he understood. _"…re-mem-ber…" she had said…_

_

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_

A/N: I hope you come back for more ;) I think the hiatus is over for now.. ) does anymore still remember mee? D


	12. Falling from Grace

A:N/ I'm updating! YAYY :) I love you all for reviewing... Cliffie's are good, especially if it makes you want to review and COME BACK TO FIND OUTT:) Oh yes... This chapter is a dream sequence.. and I think it's a really weird chapter.. If I get flamed, I won't be surprised haha.. ANYWAYS.. I hope I don't make you guys hate this fic now! haha... I love all of you that have been with this since the beginning and anyone else who reads this.. Thanks a lot :)

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_Her footsteps echoed all around her, going **tap, tap, tap, **and her breaths a shallow, fast rhythm. She was lost in the darkness, floundering like a fish out of water. Unsteady hands groped around, hoping to find some sort of stability, a semblance of peace and understanding, but naught was to be found. Despairing, she dropped to the floor, tears leaking out of her eyes. Suddenly, the ground dropped from beneath her body, and she was falling, swallowed by the dark, the blackness._

"_Tezuka!" she screamed, hoping, wishing, for help. Unbidden, his name came to her lips, and as if it was the magic word, blinding light engulfed her, impairing her sight. She was enveloped in light, and imaged. At first, she saw nothing, but rather felt the presence of moving images. How, she did not know…_

"_T-oo… br-iightt…" the words echoed around her, whispered by a hoarse voice. The blinding light dimmed, and she could see once again. To her surprise, she sat in what felt to be an expensive red leather chair. It was comfortable and warm where she was, albeit empty. Draped around where she sat were pieces of fabric, creating a curtain of a wall, as pure as new found snow, yet to be disturbed by human hands. They seemed so close to her, yet, when she reached out her hand to touch them, she could not, as they seemed to shy away from her, shirking from her touch._

_Peace. She was so peaceful here._

_Suddenly, the light began to dim again, and she began to feel a momentary panic, and as if this… place… knew that, the light returned, seeking to give comfort. She realized her foolish worries and made up her mind to trust this… light. Sensing her will to trust in it, the light once again began to dim, and she settled in the chair, snuggling into a teddy bear that had suddenly appeared along with a blanket as soft as the skin of a newborn baby. Once she was fully relaxed, she heard a little whirring noise, like one would hear at the movies. She glanced up, surprised by seeing an image about to appear in front of her, like when she went to the theatres to watch a film. The only difference was that it seemed this movie absorbed her into the scene. No matter where she turned, there seemed to be another part of the image. Deciding not to confuse herself, she focused on the 'screen' directly in front of her._

"_Sakuno!" Tomoka yelled, trying to get her attention. "did you get lost again?"_

"_A-no… Gomen, gomen!" she heard herself say while she blushed profusedly._

"_come on! We're going to be late for Ryoma-sama's next match!" she screeched once more for good measure. _

"_**Somehow, she couldn't seem to tone down her voice**," the girl watching observed._

_Sakuno found her ears ringing, but she followed Tomoka along obediently, trying to catch up with the running girl with the two high pigtails, at the same time manoeuvring around with difficulty so she wouldn't find herself tripping on anything. The two took a seat close to the court and once Ryoma got onto the court to play, Tomoka started cheering for the young boy with the golden eyes. Her cheers seemed so loud that she seemed to be calling for help while being raped._

"_**Why does that girl have to scream so loud and annoyingly? What is so good about that boy anyways?" **she thought._

_The girl in the film, Sakuno, just blushed a bit more at the loud and distracting cheering her friend was being involved with. The scene faded away._

_Another image started to appear. This time, Sakuno was in the Seigaku tennis courts, and she was entranced by a tennis match between two people. One had green-black hair with golden, feline eyes. He was rather short compared to the other, but he had a very captivating face. The other, taller one, had dirty blond hair, disarrayed but at the same time kept in order. It was set in slight spikes that flopped back down, and his face bore the weight of frameless glasses. He looked very mature and intelligent, and always in control. Both were concentrating on the ensuing match, which seemed to have gone on for a long time. Sweat graced their foreheads and bodies, and they looked to be quite exhausted, but neither let down their guard. The watching girl could feel Sakuno's worried gaze that was trained upon the players._

_The sun had started to set, and the descending sun brought on a chill. Sakuno shivered, wanting to go home, but worrying about the two. Eventually, though, she fell asleep watching the yet unfinished match – she was just TOO cold! Unknowingly, she had fallen prey to hypothermia. Just then, a tentative truce had been called between the two players. They both knew that if they continued on, their bodies would just slowly die out from the sheer exhaustion and dehydration. Their limits had been reached, and this match would just have to be ended another day. When leaving, Ryoma saw Sakuno's sleeping form by a chance glance, but he did nothing. He figured that her business did not involve him, and he left._

_Tezuka went to drink some water and wash off, but on his way back, he saw Sakuno lying on the benches sleeping. He felt the cold, and worried, he went to her side, trying to wake her up from her deep slumber. When she did not respond, he impulsively lifter her up into his arms, and brought her to his house. He knew that no one would be home that night to ask unnecessary questions. He wrapped her up in blankets, hoping to warm very cold body, and lay her onto his bed. Sitting there, the girl watching saw the doubts that were in his eyes. Surprisingly, she heard his thoughts. _

_**Why did I do this?** He asked himself. **Ryuusaki-sensei's granddaughter and I do not even know each other that well, and what would Ryuusaki say when she woke up and saw me? Even more importantly, how would she feel waking up in a stranger's house, away from her family? I don't want her to feel uncomfortable in my presence…** He broke off, gasping. **Where had that thought come from? I barely know her! Why would I care how she feels in my presence, as long as no one dies in my care? I wish I had not acted to impulsively... **He heard a sound coming from her, so he turned back to observe what was happening. Studying her face, he found her surprisingly good-looking. **She is quite… pretty. **But whatever he was thinking fled from his mind, when she opened her eyes and stared at him._

"_Ryuusaki-chan?" he began, seeing that she was awake._

"_Buchou?" her tiny voice whispered "A-no... w-what am I d-doing here?" her question was met by a brief silence, followed by his brisk reply in the form of a recitation of 'the facts.' Once again, there was an awkward silence. (GAY BABIES ARE BORNN! YAOI LOVE! LOL) Sakuno found herself staring at this… stranger. It was true though, as they were strangers. **He is quite handsome, even if he is strict and serious… Oh… why am I thinking of Buchou like this? **Sakuno blushed again at her 'unseemly thoughts.' **I am in love with Ryoma-kun, so I shouldn't be thinking about other people… right? **But she couldn't stop herself from staring and appreciating. A strange pounding began somewhere in the vicinity of her chest, and she realized that it was her heart. She thought it was becoming very loud, but for some reason, Tezuka couldn't seem to hear it. He was lost in his own thoughts._

"_Buchou?" Sakuno surprised herself by speaking and breaking the silence first. She was not the only one surprised, as Tezuka found himself jumping at the sound of her voice. Rushing out of embarrassment, Sakuno stuttered even more. "a-a-arigat-tou… I know th-that i-if you h-hadn't n-n-noticed me, I might n-not be alive right now… G-gomen f-for t-troubling you…" As she talked, her stutter began to fade and she gave him a sweet smile, and added, "It is very late now… perhaps I should head back home…"_

"_You are no bother. It is far too late for you to get home by yourself, so I will walk you home." This was spoken brusquely, the tone of voice he used when commanding laps._

"A_-ano, it's alright Buchou… I can go home by myself…"_

"_No, I will walk you home… unless you would rather stay here overnight and go back home in the morning? You can call home to Ryuusaki-sensei and tell her you won't be going home tonight. I could explain to her and I'm sure she'll let you stay…" he trailed off, realizing he was speaking… a lot. **Why am I asking her to stay? Why am I talking so much? How could I explain to Ryuusaki-sensei… especially when there is no one home…**_

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A/N: Review PLEASE. :) 


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